thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
