i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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