I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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