we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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