Yo dont text me then not text me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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