Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
