The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
