I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
do herpes really smell.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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