it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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