fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
