This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
