In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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