Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
