He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Panties = found
Randomize