today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
