highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
