she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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