Im at strip club and am horny
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
