I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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