CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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