Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he thought i was a dude.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
