I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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