i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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