Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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