i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
