So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
