Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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