I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hippo gnu deer
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
