The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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