I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
