Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize