Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
