so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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