i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
