it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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