So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize