so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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