make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
