People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
third nipple confirmed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
