I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize