Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
