beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize