I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
