Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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