I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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