I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
