I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
