Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
