I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
