I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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