I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
kristin has been a bad kristin
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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