he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
