I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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