he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I supernannyed him into submission
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
