I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
