I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
