doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
