Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
