Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
