This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think people are normalizing furries
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
