I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
