Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
