Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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