I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
