I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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