Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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