we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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