my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize