Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
