things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize