I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
